What would you say when I told you, whenever you say to
someone, be it your loved ones or special someone, the heart throbbing words
such as “I Love You” that there are strings attached to it as well? You simply
have to owe up to what you have said. No? You don’t believe me? Okay, I have a confession. I’ve never been in a relationship and the only endless
loving relationship with a woman that I ever had is with my one and only mother. She is my
first love, and will always be.
Oh no, I’ve spilled the beans! It’s been spread all over the
table! Now, you might ask a question. What
makes me eligible to talk about love and relationship when I’ve never been into
one before?
Well, I never did claim I’m eligible. I’m merely blurting
out my experiences and the experiences of others. You see, you can learn from
your own mistakes and the mistakes of others as well. That’s what the elderly
told you whenever they gave you some advice or correct the errors of your way.
They “eat salt” (makan garam) more than you ever did in your whole life time! So, sit down and listen intently next time,
you less-eating-salt-baby because they are right! (Yes, you have to admit
that you are kinda a baby when you act high and mighty like you shouldn’t be
lectured about a recent mistake that you’ve made.)
Now on to the main
question.
So, young couples out there, (clasping my hand together) do
you know what kind of strings attached to these romantic yet powerful enough
words that can even drive a 78 years old husband in California to walk miles to
find suitable candidate for his wife’s kidney transplant? Here’s his story.
No you don’t. If you did, you wouldn’t be texting your
parents “ILY” instead of “I love you, awesome dad and beautiful mom!” and you
wouldn’t text your special someone just for the sake of texting them and you
know, to avoid them harassing you for the next 45 minutes, just because you’ve
forgotten to do so.
Because with every words spoken, every promises made and
every lies told, there are consequences or responsibilities along with it. That’s what we call, folks, as accountability.
Hang on a minute. What’s an akauunntobee-lity? Well kids, it
means being responsible and basically owe up to what you have said. You show
that you meant what you’ve told others.
“Hey, I’m 10 years old
and I love my boyfriend/girlfriend till death do us part!” despite the fact
that 10 years old are supposed to enjoy life as children, playing hide and seek
or finding out why the birds can fly so high up in the sky.
“You know, we’ve been
a couple, for like a week, let’s make a video and show the whole world how our love
is forever and ever!” said the guy cheerfully, who relied on the computer
and internet connection that her parents paid monthly.
“Stay away from ma boi,
if you wanna live!” after texting her so called “rival” using the
smartphone (for not so-smart-stuffs, apparently) which her mother paid for it
with her money that she had saved for her daughter's future education.
Wow, some responsibilities you have there!
Jokes aside, young
padawans if you really love someone, you should be responsible towards him/her.
You wouldn’t want them to get hurt, would you? Because coupling, is a one step
closer to zina. One feet closer. One feet nearer. One more step before you fall
into the deep gorge. A pitch black world full of sins.
“But I woke him/her for tahajjud!”
“We study together, fast together, pray together, is that
even wrong? We even corrected each other’s tajweed!”
“I love him/her for the sake of Allah!”
But of course. Islamification of things prohibited. Might as
well put akhi/ukthi there, then it will be okay. Allah swt won’t get mad, would
He?
“Nor come nigh to
adultery (zina): for it is a shameful (deed) and an evil opening the road (to
other evils).” (Al-Isra: 32)
Translated by Yusuf Ali and he added an explanation
regarding zina that it is “Not only
should it be avoided as a sin, but any approach or temptation to it (zina) should be avoided.”
This is exactly what
I meant as one step closer to it. It doesn’t matter if you adjust it to be more
Islamic, it is still a step closer to zina. How can you be so sure that your
heart won’t change by the slight hush of your “significant other”? Or when he
persuade you one night to give up everything in exchange with promises of
marrying you one day when he didn’t even contemplate about it seriously?
If you really love him/her, stop coupling now. Now, how
about learning some responsibilities this time around.
A responsible man, instead of going places with a woman that
she is not married with, would meet a that woman’s father and ask for her hand
in marriage. For the ladies, tell your man to see your parents. If they
chickened out, that’s a good sign, he didn’t deserve you.
This is a process of owing up to what you said.
Let’s read this made
up real life conversation that has particularly nothing in relevance to me or
anyone, if it did, it was not intentional.
“Pak Mat, I have been holding on these feelings for a long
time, now it’s the time to tell you. I would like to marry your daughter.”
“Are you ready, Lokman? Because marriage is easier said than
done especially when you’re still studying.”
“Pak Mat, I have been working as a helper at a burger stall
every night. You’re right, it’s not much but I’m planning to find extra jobs
around Segamat. InshaAllah, by next year, I will have enough money to spend for
the marriage and leave some to support myself and her as a family”
“Lokman, of course you can marry Layla…but she is just 11
years old. You have to wait a few more years then.”
“What? I’m asking for your eldest daughter not the youngest
one,” looking somewhat bamboozled.
“Gotcha! You should've told me who in the first place!” (Pandai Pak Mat buat lawak noh!)
This is what owing up to what you said, what you’ve promised.
If you really love someone, work to it. Be responsible about it. Do it the right way, the Halal way.
Don’t say you will
love someone forever and ever, if you are not going to be responsible for it.
Same goes when making promises.
I used to say “I love you mum,” weekly from the first year I’m
in Adelaide (given that I have the time to call her weekly only, being away
from Malaysia) and I still do. And I owe up to her by praying to Allah swt for
her health and wellbeing (and for my father too ;) ). And I owe up to her by
making her proud of me, by making she feels all the hard work of raising me had
been worth the while. And I owe up to her by finding a pious young woman to
marry to. So that we both could look after them when they get really old. So that we both could raise pious grandkids for them. InshaAllah.
Be a man (or a lady for the women), would you?
I hope you will.
And I hope you do the right thing the next time you send a
text message to your special someone.