The Burden of Saying I Love You

What would you say when I told you, whenever you say to someone, be it your loved ones or special someone, the heart throbbing words such as “I Love You” that there are strings attached to it as well? You simply have to owe up to what you have said. No? You don’t believe me? Okay, I have a confession. I’ve never been in a relationship and the only endless loving relationship with a woman that I ever had is with my one and only mother. She is my first love, and will always be.

Oh no, I’ve spilled the beans! It’s been spread all over the table! Now, you might ask a question. What makes me eligible to talk about love and relationship when I’ve never been into one before? 

Well, I never did claim I’m eligible. I’m merely blurting out my experiences and the experiences of others. You see, you can learn from your own mistakes and the mistakes of others as well. That’s what the elderly told you whenever they gave you some advice or correct the errors of your way. They “eat salt” (makan garam) more than you ever did in your whole life time! So, sit down and listen intently next time, you less-eating-salt-baby because they are right! (Yes, you have to admit that you are kinda a baby when you act high and mighty like you shouldn’t be lectured about a recent mistake that you’ve made.) 

Now on to the main question.

So, young couples out there, (clasping my hand together) do you know what kind of strings attached to these romantic yet powerful enough words that can even drive a 78 years old husband in California to walk miles to find suitable candidate for his wife’s kidney transplant? Here’s his story.

No you don’t. If you did, you wouldn’t be texting your parents “ILY” instead of “I love you, awesome dad and beautiful mom!” and you wouldn’t text your special someone just for the sake of texting them and you know, to avoid them harassing you for the next 45 minutes, just because you’ve forgotten to do so.

Because with every words spoken, every promises made and every lies told, there are consequences or responsibilities along with it. That’s what we call, folks, as accountability.
Hang on a minute. What’s an akauunntobee-lity? Well kids, it means being responsible and basically owe up to what you have said. You show that you meant what you’ve told others.

Hey, I’m 10 years old and I love my boyfriend/girlfriend till death do us part!” despite the fact that 10 years old are supposed to enjoy life as children, playing hide and seek or finding out why the birds can fly so high up in the sky.

You know, we’ve been a couple, for like a week, let’s make a video and show the whole world how our love is forever and ever!” said the guy cheerfully, who relied on the computer and internet connection that her parents paid monthly.

Stay away from ma boi, if you wanna live!” after texting her so called “rival” using the smartphone (for not so-smart-stuffs, apparently) which her mother paid for it with her money that she had saved for her daughter's future education.

Wow, some responsibilities you have there!

Jokes aside, young padawans if you really love someone, you should be responsible towards him/her. You wouldn’t want them to get hurt, would you? Because coupling, is a one step closer to zina. One feet closer. One feet nearer. One more step before you fall into the deep gorge. A pitch black world full of sins.

“But I woke him/her for tahajjud!” 

“We study together, fast together, pray together, is that even wrong? We even corrected each other’s tajweed!”

“I love him/her for the sake of Allah!”

But of course. Islamification of things prohibited. Might as well put akhi/ukthi there, then it will be okay. Allah swt won’t get mad, would He?

Nor come nigh to adultery (zina): for it is a shameful (deed) and an evil opening the road (to other evils).” (Al-Isra: 32)

Translated by Yusuf Ali and he added an explanation regarding zina that it is “Not only should it be avoided as a sin, but any approach or temptation to it (zina) should be avoided.” 

This is exactly what I meant as one step closer to it. It doesn’t matter if you adjust it to be more Islamic, it is still a step closer to zina. How can you be so sure that your heart won’t change by the slight hush of your “significant other”? Or when he persuade you one night to give up everything in exchange with promises of marrying you one day when he didn’t even contemplate about it seriously?

If you really love him/her, stop coupling now. Now, how about learning some responsibilities this time around.

A responsible man, instead of going places with a woman that she is not married with, would meet a that woman’s father and ask for her hand in marriage. For the ladies, tell your man to see your parents. If they chickened out, that’s a good sign, he didn’t deserve you.

This is a process of owing up to what you said.

Let’s read this made up real life conversation that has particularly nothing in relevance to me or anyone, if it did, it was not intentional.

“Pak Mat, I have been holding on these feelings for a long time, now it’s the time to tell you. I would like to marry your daughter.”

“Are you ready, Lokman? Because marriage is easier said than done especially when you’re still studying.”

“Pak Mat, I have been working as a helper at a burger stall every night. You’re right, it’s not much but I’m planning to find extra jobs around Segamat. InshaAllah, by next year, I will have enough money to spend for the marriage and leave some to support myself and her as a family”

“Lokman, of course you can marry Layla…but she is just 11 years old. You have to wait a few more years then.”

“What? I’m asking for your eldest daughter not the youngest one,” looking somewhat bamboozled.

“Gotcha! You should've told me who in the first place!” (Pandai Pak Mat buat lawak noh!)

This is what owing up to what you said, what you’ve promised. If you really love someone, work to it. Be responsible about it. Do it the right way, the Halal way.

Don’t say you will love someone forever and ever, if you are not going to be responsible for it. Same goes when making promises. 

I used to say “I love you mum,” weekly from the first year I’m in Adelaide (given that I have the time to call her weekly only, being away from Malaysia) and I still do. And I owe up to her by praying to Allah swt for her health and wellbeing (and for my father too ;) ). And I owe up to her by making her proud of me, by making she feels all the hard work of raising me had been worth the while. And I owe up to her by finding a pious young woman to marry to. So that we both could look after them when they get really old. So that we both could raise pious grandkids for them. InshaAllah.

Be a man (or a lady for the women), would you?

I hope you will. 

And I hope you do the right thing the next time you send a text message to your special someone.


Mr Opto and Me with the capital M

So my glasses are all rusty, dirty and the lenses are full of scratches here and there. Thus, I've decided after long contemplation that I needed a new pair of glasses. No, this is not about how cool my new glasses is gonna be, nor that how in the event of strong, harsh light being directed at my face and the lenses will suddenly turn dark like to help me see.

(I remembered about one of my buddies asking me why on earth would i browse the internet for a pair of glasses. Well, maybe because that I NEED one to see? joking buddy. :p)

This is about my conversation with the optometrist. Wasn't short, rather average. Wasn't that quirky like I thought its supposed to be. You often talk to your barber/hairdresser about the current issues going on around you, but let's be honest, have you ever considered doing this with your optometrist? Well, not everyone NEED glasses to see I guess. joking again buddy :p

A little bit awkward at the start but we somehow clicked along the way.

I forgot his name, and even if i remembered it, we have a strict confidentiality agreement between patient and optometrist. No, not really.

Lets name him Mr Opto.

And me as Me with the capital M.

We first talk about the sunny weather, typical speech starter.

Then here's the best part.

Mr Opto: you know, rudd's gonna take over anytime soon

Me with the capital M: yeah, read that in the news. have they replaced julia? (as if julia's my long lost friend that i've met in university days)

Mr Opto: not yet, maybe tomorrow we'll know the news. so where are you from?

Me with the capital M: malaysia. :)

Mr Opto: oh! isn't that the country which the opposition leader had been accused of, you know, hitting it up with a guy? been in and out of the court for ages.

Me with the capital M: erm... erm, what about my eyes? #tersipusipumalusambilgigitkukujari

Somehow this conversation started after i mentioned that i'm studying law at university of adelaide. No, not all students like to talk about the politics. Well, at least i used to think like that anyway.

My point is, given that others know malaysia to be a place where politicians use the dirtiest tactics to justify their methods of getting control over malaysia, shouldn't we do something about it?

You and you, my friends all over the world, particularly in malaysia! Stop inheriting this style of doing politics, especially those who called themselves muslim! We are the youths of malaysia, and we should change our mentality, our methods, and our objective.

In islam, politics are done with full grace without any backstabbing and comploting behind the scene. Islam tought us to be trustworthy especially holding a position that is equal to a leader. i can list it according to what i understand how muslim politicians are supposed to be nowadays, or what they are lacking right now.

1) trustworthy and responsible towards the task and work assigned to them. never take anything for their own especially the people's money and property.

2) good attitude and respectful towards others. as somone who is elected by the people, they must have good attitude so that they are well liked and respected by everyone.

3) unity. a good leader must have a strong sense of unity so that people would stay together even through the hardest situations. a good leader will ensure that the people remain strong through unity rather than crumbles because of disunity.

4) loyalty. a good leader must also be loyal to its roots and its country. he must be loyal to his religion too in the sense that he is pious and not someone who disobeys Allah swt.

5) prosperity. a good leader must be able to maintain the propserity that is well maintained between the multi races and religion.

you know, a true muslim will never do you wrong. i can assure that.

remember the story of the jews in Madinah? they were not excluded nor punished from the community when our prophet Muhammad saw was there. that's just one of the many examples out there.

so, i implore you people out there to think for sometime before voting for your leaders. think outside the box, and think carefully. 

"is it wise for me to choose the party or the representative?"
remember, the one doing all the work will be the representative not the party.
so have you heard of Arus Baru? Go and check it out now!


the heartache of dying.

have you ever read books or watched movies where you knew that right from the beginning that the lead character eventually dies at the end?

it may be because of you reading too many books about families that once were torn apart now being back together because someone in the family is terminally ill. or maybe the improved version of its movie counterpart.

what would you do, if you knew of your expiry date? i mean, approximately the time when you will be missed by your dearests. 

of course, we will one day die. afterall, that is promised to us by Allah swt.

a friend of mine said, that "its a kind of blessing."

i was quite surprised really, for i'm very sure almost everyone would be depressed, showing somewhat lack of interest in living or the living for that matter. like as if the reasons of breathing and smiling were stripped away just like that, as fast as my snapping fingers. like stripping away your favourite toy or blanket when you were young as a child. that would be devastating, wouldn't it?

but to call death as a "blessing" was too much, wasn't it? i was about to counter his words when he muttered somethings before i could blast his away.

"look, when you know you are dying, you will remember death all the time, yes? isn't death is the best of all reminders?"

who would've thought, we are in the same boat. the very boat called life and at the end of the river will be a sea of oblivion namely death and the hereafter.

i'm not denying death nor afraid of it. i embraced it as a part of the living. Allah creates you and to Him and only Him you belong.

i was lost for words. he was right. he saw the death of someone in a positive light. forgive me for being so pessimistic. i was young and lost and no one that i could really rely on.

"you know, if you remember about death all the time, you'll never have time to stray away from the path of Allah"

he smiled while driving the car. its quite dark, the highway to mount buller was unlit, only the headlights shining brightly on the road but i could 'see' he was smiling. he is always smiling, that good friend of mine. yes, the conversation took place in a small van, carrying a few female passengers at the back. i started to sob a little and was having the hardest time of my life to control it. 

of course you wouldn't want to cry in front of the female. somehow it shows your weakness. some women like it when you're all emotional, some don't.

"by the way, how on earth are you so sure that you gonna outlive someone who knew of his end? we could die right now, while driving. people die young. age does not have a say. so does us as the weak human beings."

it feels like raining in my heart. the storm is brewing strong. it feels like you're going to torn apart just from thinking about it.

"...you're right about that. i don't know what makes me so sure that i'm gonna outlast a dying man."


the norms of the life, that the aged dies. but we often forgot that everyone dies at every stage of life. babies can die, right from birth. children can choke on something and teenagers can be involved in accidents from time to time.

Allah Almighty says, "Every self will taste death. You will be paid your wages in full on the Day of Rising. Anyone who is distanced from the Fire and admitted to the Garden, has triumphed. The life of this world is only the enjoyment of delusion," (3:185)

"don't be sad, didn't Allah had promised that every soul will taste death one day? its just a matter of when."

i wiped my teary eyes. i carved a smile on that round face of mine, albeit how hard it was to do so. my eyes were so watery that i couldn't make sense of the shapes trailing along the highway. and him. he kept on smiling, even though what he had told me should banish all reasons for him to keep on smiling.

you're strong indeed. i wish i was as strong as you.

so i quote a part of my favourite book, the fault in our stars.

“you don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world, old man, but you do have some say in who hurts you.” 

of course losing someone, is painful and it doesn't help when "pain demands to be felt". but i don't mind if it from the people i love most.

and i'll quote some of the things you've said on that fateful night.

"after all, that is why death is the best reminder of all." 


Pesanan 2 Imam Hassan Al-Banna

Banyakkanlah membaca Al-Quran sesungguhnya di dalam Al-Quran terdapat pelbagai pengajaran bagi mereka yang berfikir. Ibrah darinya boleh dijadikan panduan dalam menjalani kehidupan seharian. Ambil sedikit masa yang sibuk untuk menelaah al-quran dan memikirkan isi kandungannya, supaya kita dielakkan dari menjadi hamba yang tidak bersyukur.

Banyakkanlah juga membaca ilmu-ilmu yang berguna dan ambillah kesempatan untuk menghadiri majlis-majlis ilmu.

Pastinya hidup anda tidak akan dipenuhi dengan perkara yang tidak berfaedah.


Ku Tak Mungkin Kalis Dosa

Ku tak mungkin kalis dosa, 
kalis noda...♪♫
-edited version of Kalis Rindu - Elyana

Tajuk entri kali ni.. wah sangat...'flashy'.

Agak-agaknya cliché ke kalau asyik minta maaf sebab jarang menulis. Ada orang ambil kisah ke? Hmmm. Apapun penulisan ini kalau tidak dibaca orang lain, akan dibaca oleh saya sendiri. Okay la tu kan? At least saya boleh ambik ibrah dari entri saya sendiri. *senyum-kambing*

Banyak isu yang sedang bergolak di Malaysia, cuma bagi kita yang sudah lali, nampak macam isu-isu remeh temeh, yang boleh dilepas pandang. Ya, mungkin kita tidak diserang oleh berdas-das tembakan dari pihak lawan seperti Palestin dan mungkin juga kita tidak disembelih dengan parang seperti saudara kita di Rohingya dan juga mungkin kita tidak dipijak di bumi sendiri seperti saudara kita di Syria.

Bentuk ancaman yang kita hadapi berbentuk halus dan telah lama hadir dalam kehidupan kita sejak dari dulu lagi. Isu-isu yang cuba saya ketengahkan adalah seperti isu liberal, syiah, sekular dan sebagainya. Amatlah menakutkan jika suatu hari nanti, Islam di Malaysia bakal merubah wajah dan tidak lagi suci seperti yang kita harapkan selama ini.

Kita tidak akan merasakan ia sebuah ancaman kerana selalunya untuk merasakan sesuatu itu sebagai ancaman kita perlu kenal pasti bentuk ancaman tersebut bukan?

Seperti isu Islam Liberal. Apa maksudnya? Siapa pendokongnya?

Masalah ni. Kalau digembar-gemburkan pada mereka yang tidak tahu, nescaya mereka akan ingat ini adalah suatu penambahbaikan kepada Islam itu sendiri.

Gayanya yang "moden" lagi menepati citarasa "terkini", sesuai dengan tema yang ingin dibawa oleh agenda Liberal.

Contoh yang ketara adalah dari seorang wanita yang bernama Irshad Manji yang mendakwa dirinya adalah seorang lesbian dan juga seorang Islam. Dia mengeluarkan hujahnya yang berlandaskan akal semata-mata bahawa wanita tidak diwajibkan untuk bertudung dan malangnya Irsyad ini bukanlah seorang yang biasa-biasa kerana dia telah menerbitkan pelbagai buku untuk menerangkan pemahamannya.

What I am trying to emphasize is that most likely this woman here would have many followers by now. Kasihan sekali kepada siapa yang mempercayakannya! Tetapi ada kisah yang sedih di sebalik kehidupan beliau yang mungkin membentuknya hingga menjadi seperti.

Doakan supaya dia berubah ke arah yang lebih baik, bukannya mengeji dan mengutuk dia. Bukankah Islam mengajak kita untuk membalas kejahatan dengan kebaikan. Lihatlah kisah Nabi Muhammad saw dengan seorang mak cik yang tua dan penduduk

Kita lihat pula kepada kisah di Perancis.

Masjid Gay pertama di Europe. (Tekan untuk ke artikel) Wow! Masjid GAY pertama di EUROPE. Makes me wonder kenapa diorang tak claim pertama di dunia? Mungkin dah ada masjid sebegini di tempat-tempat lain?
pengasas masjid dan 'homosexual muslims of France

Ironi sekali melihat keadaan sebegini. Mahu solat dan beribadah dalam keadaan diri yang sedang berbuat dosa. Maksud saya, mereka mahu diterima sebagai masyarakat gay yang melakukan amalan songsang dan pada masa yang sama mahu dilihat sebagai seorang yang taat kepada agamanya? Macam mana ni? Mana boleh dua benda yang berbeza wujud pada waktu yang sama.

Either Dosa atau Pahala. Syurga atau Neraka.  Lelaki atau Perempuan.

Ironi sekali. Seperti seorang yang sukakan koay teow kerang tetapi tidak mahukan kerang didalam hidangannya. Seperti saya seorang yang Islam memilih mana ibadat yang saya suka tetapi tinggalkan mana yang saya rasa tidak sesuai dengan saya. IMPOSSIBLE.

Pasti ada yang berbisik,
"Tak mungkinlah jadi di Malaysia, Malaysia kan negara Islam."

Mungkin sekarang tidak. Siapa tahu 10 tahun lagi? 20 tahun lagi? Mungkin dalam senyap. Mungkin berlaku pada jiran-jiran kita.

Di Malaysia ada beberapa tokoh yang terkenal dan antaranya yang memimpin Islamic Renaissance Front atau IRF. Bunyi gempak habis, janji ada Islamic mesti baik tujuannya. Tetapi disini kita sering tersilap. Jika dilihat balik tujuan penubuhannya, kumpulan ini kononnya mendakwa akan membebaskan kita dari cengkaman pemikiran yang sempit kepada lebih terbuka. Contoh yang diberi adalah seperti zaman Renaissance di Eropah yang jelas menolak tepi agama untuk memberi ruang kepada ilmu dan akal untuk berfungsi dengan sepenuhnya. Begitulah mereka di IRF yang menekankan penggunaan akal semata-mata untuk tujuan yang sama.

Menakutkan bukan.

Jadi apa tanggungjawab kita?

Untuk lihat adik-beradik kita suatu hari nanti memperjuangkan agenda kebebasan keterlaluan yang melampaui batas?

Jangan disebabkan kita mahukan sesuatu perkara sampai bersedia untuk gadaikan sesuatu yang lebih berharga.


Kisah Jacaranda Kita, Episod 6: Atha Rafiq

"Atha Rafiq!"

Seorang lelaki berkulit sawo matang memanggil-manggil dari luar rumah.

"Jom la main dkt court SQ tu, ramai orang main bola ni!

Rafiq, yang sedang leka bermain dengan telefon pintarnya tersentak seketika. Dia tertanya-tanya siapa yang memanggilnya lantas bangun dari tempat pembaringan. Ruangan tamu di SQ kelihatan lengang tanpa tetamu. Pelajar lain yang menumpang di rumah tersebut keluar, sama ada di luar bersama teman-teman, bermain bola di 'padang' SQ atau berjalan-jalan di persekitaran perumahan Nailsworth. Pemuda berkulit coklat muda itu bergerak perlahan menyelusuri bilik-bilik SQ. Diketuknya satu persatu. Cuma bilik kecil di sebelah kiri membuka pintu, tanda ada orang di dalamnya.

"Ada apa ya, Rafiq?" Furqan bertanya sambil membuka pintu. Pintu putih itu mengeluarkan sedikit bunyi. "Maaflah, Furqan ada kerja sedikit." Senyuman terlakar di celah-celah pipi gebu itu.

Furqan merupakan pelajar tahun terakhir dalam bidangnya, Sains Geologi, dan dia dalam proses menulis thesisnya untuk diberikan pada supervisornya semata-mata untuk mendapat "honours" atau kepujian dalam keputusannya. Seorang yang pendiam dan hanya akan berkata-kata apabila perlu. Di Rumah SQ itu, Furqan, Syauqan, Amjad, Nazri, Harris dan Luqman hidup sebumbung dan masing-masing sedang dalam pengajian tahun terakhir mereka. Mereka bukanlah senior sembarangan kerana masing-masing sangat hebat dalam bidang pengajian yang diceburi dan akhlak mereka juga terselah jika melihatkan bagaimana mereka mentadbir rumah SQ itu.

Solat jemaah ditekankan. Majlis taalim digalakkan. Tadarus Al-Quran beramai-ramai di waktu pagi. Memang perkara yang jarang-jarang dilakukan oleh anak muda sekarang, tambahan lagi anak-anak muda di negara yang serba bebas ini. Pertama kali Rafiq melihat mereka, dia merasakan sesuatu yang berbeza, berlainan dari apa yang disangka-sangka.

"Saya nak ke padang SQ. Saya keluar dulu ye." Rafiq meminta izin terlebih dahulu. Adab sebagai tetamu mesti dipenuhi dan Rafiq bukanlah seorang yang tidak tahu erti menghormati orang lain.

Di lahirkan di Ipoh, Perak, dia tinggal bersama keluarganya yang sederhana mewah. Encik Yunus mengajarnya untuk hidup sederhana dan untuk selalu menghormati orang lain. Walaupun pembawaan dirinya seolah-olah seorang anak yang kaya, tetapi Rafiq sebenarnya seorang yang sangat menghormati orang, terutamanya orang yang lebih tua.

"Nak main bola ye?" Furqan kembali bertanya.

Rafiq mengangguk.

"Balik before maghrib ye. Lepas solat ada majlis taalim."

Sekali lagi Rafiq mengangguk. Dia meneruskan langkah ke arah pintu masuk rumah SQ. Bauan bunga ros singgah ke deria baunya. Merah, Putih dan Kuning memenuhi segenap halaman kecil di hadapan SQ.

"Lambatnya, orang dah nak masuk second round dah." lelaki itu mecebik sambil mengerutkan dahinya.

"Rilek sudah, Zaim. Nanti biar aku wrap up permainan tu." Rafiq tersengih melihat Zaim tersenyum padanya.

"Tahu la star bola, tak payah la over confident sangat."

Rafiq dan Zaim ketawa bersama. Sahabat yang rapat sejak dari Kolej MARA Seremban. Bidang pengajian juga sama. Kejuruteraan Petroleum. Walaupun mereka sebelum ini dari sekolah yang berlainan, mereka akrab sejak dari hari pertama lagi bertemu di KMS. Ayah Zaim seorang pencen bekas tentera manakala ibunya seorang jururawat di klinik kecil di kota Pekan, Pahang.

Petang itu suhunya sedang-sedang sahaja dan angin yang kadang kalanya menghembus sejuk turut membantu untuk mengurangkan kesan teriknya matahari. Adelaide kelihatan seperti biasa. Seperti kota-kota di Malaysia. Tidak ada apa yang berubah melainkan bentuk rumah yang tidak sekata dan menggunakan nama jalan sebagai alamat rumah. Walaupun begitu, jalan-jalan di suburb Adelaide tidak kelihatan serabut seperti di Subang Jaya, bahkan lebih teratur dan sistematik lantas memudahkan orang ramai untuk mengetahui selok-belok rumah-rumah di sini.

Mereka melalui sebuah jalan untuk ke SQ court. Jacaranda St pada pedang itu kelihatan redup sekali kerana pohonan yang merimbun di kiri kanan jalan. Dan di sinilah bakal terukir sebuah persahabatan indah antara dua insan dari dua latar belakang yang berbeza.


Pesanan 1 Imam Hassan Al-Banna

Pesanan ini rasanya paling relevan dengan kita-kita sebagai pelajar apabila masuk waktu peperiksaan. Ada yang sampai kebas punggung ulang kaji. Kalau boleh haritu jugak settle segalanya. Panggilan Azan diremehkan secara tidak sengaja atas nama mengulangkaji pelajaran. Belajar itu ibadah. Solat itu kewajipan setiap mukmin.

Jikalau kedengaran azan, cepat-cepatlah melangkah mengambil wuduk dan bersedia untuk solat. Bagi yang sering bermain hingga lewat petang pula, boleh pulang lebih awal untuk bersiap sedia untuk solat Maghrib. InsyaAllah ada ganjarannya bagi mereka yang menepati waktu solatnya.